Decisions
by MarigoldWatson
Summary: One shot written based on the ending of ME3 *Caution contains spoilers*


**This is a rather short one shot I had written right after my ME3 playthrough and let me just say, the game was AMAZING BUT...the ending options is something that completely depressed me. So, even though this did not cheer me up I felt compeled to write this. As a way of working through what Commander Shepherd must have thought and gone through on her way to deciding not just trillions of lives, but also, of her own.**

**Also, I am just a little ticked that she/he didn't get a better ending. Commander Shepherd has been through sooo much! They deserve to be happy but...oh well. **

**Anywho, crazy ranting over :) I hope you guys enjoy!**

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><p>Decisions.<p>

Life was full of them and every decision she had ever made seemed to speed towards her, flash briefly in front of her vision, and faded shortly after into the background.

Certain decisions…and memories lingered. Like the smile that he gave her just before he left her cabin earlier that day.

For a split second Shepherd could've sworn she could smell the distinct smell of his aftershave; the haunting feeling of being wrapped in his arms.

Looking down at the Catalyst she couldn't help but wonder if that would be the last memory she would ever get to have of him.

The Catalyst had explained it all too her, unwilling to change any of this, only leaving it up for her to choose; to decide what was best for the thousands upon millions of lives that were still out there. Tearing her eyes away from the electrical ghost of the child her eyes lingered on her options.

She could choose to control the Reapers; to control every machine. The Catalyst had said she herself was part synthetic so in a way it could be done but hadn't that been the Illusive Man's choice? To control what he didn't understand? The Reapers would also come back the Catalyst had told her. Informing her that she couldn't control them forever and when that control stopped, they would return.

Her second option, shining brightly like a beacon of fire into the sky, was to throw herself into that blinding white light and to converge the synthetics and organics together as one. It could all be just a seamless transition; helping races that had been at war for thousands of years, to finally know peace.

The last choice was to simply destroy them but in doing so, the Catalyst had warned, Shepherd would also be killing every other synthetic race out there. Meaning even the Geth allies that were out there right now continuing the heated battle with the Reapers, but could she do it? Legion had sacrificed himself to give his comrades, to give them the freedom to choose and to be better. None of them had squandered his last wishes so…could she do it?

Pressing a protective hand over her wound she took a step forward; the pain instantly shooting up through her whole body. It felt impossible to breathe but she had to do this.

There was no other way.

She had hoped to meet his mother, in Vancouver when this had all finished. He'd always talked so fondly of his mother and father and had wanted nothing more than to meet the parents who were responsible for giving her the chance to be a part of his life; to be a part of hers.

Painfully she limped up the right ramp and felt the tears streak down her face like bitter; burning like acid.

_I lied. I didn't come up here for just a quick drink. _

Why was it always a last night? On last time to be with one another before they were always ripped apart?

Her hand tightened on the cool metal of the gun that was still pressed in her hand, anger surging through her as her tears continued to stream hot down her face. For a brief moment she could feel her footing falter as the indecision began to waver her resolve. It had only lasted for a split second before she finally made it up the walkway and headed towards the hub.

As she lifted the gun she wondered if there was a heaven, like Garrus had talked about, and if everyone she had loved, everyone she had lost, would be up there waiting for her.

She could feel her arm begin to grow unsteady as the fear clamped tightly to her heart as she stared-stared for just a second before she pulled back on the trigger.

In the end it didn't matter how scared she was; if she didn't do this all galactic civilization would fall and nothing would be left.

Pulling back on the trigger once more she let those brief flashbacks from earlier creep over her vision like a fog; of her best friend, Joker giving her a final send off from his pilot seat. Of Anderson, her mentor, giving her his nod of approval as his last words echoed in her ears.

She hadn't realized she'd been firing, nor did she care, when _he _came into view last.

A sad smile curled her lips as she watched as he gave her a playful smile as he shook his head, his eyes always telling her what he couldn't say out loud.

The last time she pulled the trigger the hub exploded and she was consumed quickly by smoke, flame, and debris.

But she didn't care.

Shepherd couldn't feel any of the pain as her lungs seized to take in air; her heartbeat fading.

As she laid there on the ground, the sound of the Crucible erupting into space, she felt a small sense of relief knowing Joker would get all of them out before anything happened.

Her skin was tingling as she slipped back into the comforting memory of lying back in her quarters, wrapped securely in her Major's arms.

With the last beat of her heart she had loved him and prayed to whatever god that somehow, he would know that.

She hoped she would see him someday soon.

Life…is full of decisions…

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><p><strong>So I would love to know how you if you guys loved it or hated it :)<strong>

**And also how you felt about the conclusion of the trilogy. **

**Much Love, Jeneane**


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